During the recent flap over Kelly Clarkson’s endorsement of Ron Paul (possibly a racist and homophobic conspiracy theorist; more likely just an unscrupulous opportunist like roughly 99% of politicians), Kelly responded to her detractors on Twitter by mentioning that she supports:
Dear Everybody in the World: Stop saying that shit.
When you throw out imaginary colors that human beings don’t naturally come in, it belies any notion that you’ve given serious thought to the subject of prejudice. I’m not concerned with the rights of purple people, primarily because I’m more concerned with giving them the Heimlich as they’re obviously choking to death. Likewise, an orange person’s rights to remain radioactive and / or continue using cheap ass spray-tans don’t really concern me.
I know the idea behind the statement is to come across as caring about all of God’s skittle-colored children equally, but it just makes you sound ridiculous. So stop saying that. Saying that you support “gay rights, straight rights, women’s rights, men’s rights, white/black/Asian/Latino/etc.” rights works much better and takes 0.5 seconds longer to type.
While we’re here…
Stop prefacing offensive phrases with “I don’t mean to sound racist / sexist / homophobic / xenophobic / but…”
Stop using the term “politcal correctness” in a derogatory fashion when what you’re really taking issue with is tact and civility, you asshole.
Stop referencing / bemoaning the degradation of the First Amendment in regard to things that actually have absolutely nothing to do with the First Amendment.
Stop hating on Tim Tebow. Stop over-praising Tim Tebow. Stop calling “kneeling down in reverence to something” Tebowing. It’s kneeling, aka genuflection, aka something that’s been around for thousands of years already.
Stop believing it when movies say that they are “based on true events.” It’s a meaningless phrase used for marketing purposes. The Devil Inside is based on some dude’s idea for a profitable horror movie. That is all.
I’ll be back with more at a later date, I’m sure. In the meantime… you know… just stop, already.
I was astonished… astonished I declare… to find out that some folks I know not only have no love for October, but actively dislike this splendid month. Granted, I live in Texas and have lived in south for virtually all of my life, so the coming of colder months has always been a bit of a welcome reprieve from the heat at best and a nice change up at worst. I imagine that if I lived further north the cooler weather would be an harbinger of months of gloom and snow-shoveling and ice-scraping to come. So to my brethren above the Mason Dixon I say… too bad! October is fantastic!
Kidding about the “too bad.” But really, here’s a quick list of reasons why I don’t just enjoy October, but feel invigorated by this time of year.
5. It is the Nexus of Major American Sports
The NFL is in full swing. Baseball enters the postseason (admittedly, the one time a year that I really pay attention to the sport), the NHL regular season starts (when there isn’t a fresh new labor dispute waiting to spoil the sport) and finally, just before October closes out, the NBA season begins. The entire month of October is a long Thanksgiving for sports fans. Feast and be merry, there is no other time like this all year.
4. Autumn is Awesome (From What I Hear)
Reiterating what I mentioned in the opening, I’ve lived in the south for almost my entire life. I’ve lived in Texas since 1994 and before that I spent most of my childhood in Mississippi, which is where I saw my last “real” Autumn. The leaves changed color and fell, the cool-but-not-cold days breezed through and – as a kid – the countdown to Christmas was pretty much on. After a month of being in school, autumn was a welcome sign that the seasons do indeed change, time does indeed progress, and the days of being stuck in the classroom would not in fact last forever.
In my part of Texas, autumn basically doesn’t exist. The weather gets slightly cooler, so highs drop from the upper 90’s to the upper 80’s and dip just below 60 overnight. It’s basically the second coming of spring which probably sounds lovely to a lot of people, but after the soul-sapping hell that is a South Texas summer you’re hoping for a bit more a drop in the temperature. Almost without fail, when the weather gets genuinely cool here it is accompanied by a storm, which dampens the mood. Pun unintended… (or was it?)
*Edit: The above was written before I’d had a chance to spend a few weeks of “mild,” snowy, 15-degree winter in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I have since vowed to never ever ever, under any circumstances, complain about Texas heat again. I didn’t realize I had it so good down here. That is all.
So perhaps I am romanticizing the fall. I haven’t raked leaves since I was a kid, and while the Mississippi autumn at least exists, I’m sure it isn’t comparable to what people deal with up north. But until I actually experience a miserable autumn, I’m going to keep holding on to my nostalgia and presumptions that it is a magical time when nature gives itself a new paint job.
3. Cold Weather Fashion
I like clothes. You know what you don’t get to wear in the summer? Layers. Layers = more clothes. And, in case you missed that first sentence of this section, I like clothes. So you can see how it all relates.
While t-shirt weather is nice and enjoyable and has its perks, I’m a fan of layer season. Cardigans, pull-overs, button downs, zip-ups, light jackets, vests, scarves, gloves, beanies, etc.
This is the time of year I go out at night just so I can sport some new gear.
2. It’s Kind of Romantic, No?
I’ve long been a proponent of the the idea that the summer is the perfect time to meet someone, while the fall / winter is the perfect time to be with someone. Summer holidays are festive celebrations with fireworks and barbecue and beer. Fall and winter holidays are about togetherness, giving gifts and designating some alone time with someone close to you. I solemnly swear a woman’s perfume smells better in the cool weather. I do not know why. I do not suspect that there is a verifiable scientific explanation for this, but I swear it’s the truth.
So yeah, I look forward to this time of year as a reason to get close with a lady-friend. October is ideal for this because the Christmas fever has yet to strike. There’s no reason to rush anywhere or be concerned about things you haven’t done yet. Also, it’s cool enough to make you want to get close, but not so cold it makes you want to sprint inside the nearest heated building before you turn into a block of ice. It’s a perfect time to go downtown, take a walk, go to that restaurant you’ve been meaning to try, catch a play, try out that new cool bar – anything that’s a little different from what you’ve been doing, and do it with someone who you’ve been meaning to spend more time with.
1. Halloween, Of Course
It’s never as fun as it was when you were a kid, but really, whose fault is that? It seemed that joy randomly fell into your lap during Halloween when you were young. You got to wear a costume, consume all kinds of candy and talk to strangers. It was like you were being allowed to playfully misbehave. But it was all set up for you, right? So now you’re left to buy yourself the candy and the costume and you start taking it too seriously, or you forego the whole experience to spare yourself the hassle.
Halloween is what you make it, so why not make it fun? It’s an inherently enjoyable little holiday, and you sort of have to take the scenic route to not enjoy it. All the little “misbehavior” you got to do as a kid still applies as an adult, except now it’s even better because, you know, you’re an adult. I encourage anyone who likes Halloween but hasn’t really enjoyed it the past few years to go make the most of it. Visit a haunted house (a real one), take a ghost tour, invite friends over to tell ghost stories over dinner, watch some good scary movies, go to some costume parties / bars / clubs and “talk to strangers,” attend a festival, attend an event, watch a Halloween themed theatrical production, go someplace where people really cut loose for Halloween. Treat yourself.